So of course, I just have to celebrate this new found love...'tis so exciting! And might I add home much love Wikiquote? Seriously, it's like luff in a webpage! ^_~
Here we go!
Diversity Day [1.2]
Jim: (after Dwight hangs up on the person Jim is talking to) Thanks Dwight.
Dwight: Retaliation. Tit for tit.
Jim: That is not the expression
Dwight: Well it should be.
Pam: [during a role-playing exercise] Okay, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe..not be a very good driver.
Dwight:[role playing as an Asian] Aw, man! Am I a woman?
Michael: [after role-playing exercise] You'll notice I didn't have anybody being Arab. I thought that would be too explosive...no pun intended. But I just thought, 'too soon' for Arabs. Maybe next year. The ball's in their court.
Michael: Why don't we just defer to Mr.??
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown.
Michael: (laughs) Oh! Okay first test, I will not call you that.
Mr. Brown: Well it's my name, it's not a test.
Sexal Harrassment [2.2]
Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here [the office], we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. [Michael almost says it] You really think you can go all day long? [Michael nearly bursts trying not to say it] Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael: That's what she said!
Michael: When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.
Dwight: You said we could come to you if we had any questions. (Pause) Where is the clitoris? On a website it says "At the crest of the labia." What does that mean? (Pause) What does the female vagina look like?
Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
The Fire [2.4]
Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And yes, I’ve heard "women and children first". But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace by law. So if I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.
Dwight: I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted. I'm sorry, only part of me meant that...he'd probably end up a hero there anyway.
The Fight [2.6]
Kelly: [practicing a karate move Dwight taught her] HI YAH! Hey that was pretty close!
Dwight: Good, now let me take you from behind.
Michael: Pam, I hate to break this to you, but Dwight can't stop you from being mugged. He's just not tough enough.
Pam: He's a purple belt, that's really high.
Michael: Oh God, I could beat up Dwight, that's ridiculous. I can murder him.
Michael: C'mon, hit me...
Jim: I can't. I just got a manicure.
Michael: Oh, queer! [looks at camera] ...eye. Queer eye! Good show, important show.
Jim: Just have Dwight punch you.
Michael: Well, that would be kind of worthless because I know a ton of 14-year-old girls who could kick his ass.
Jim: You know a ton of 14-year-old girls?
Dwight: What belt are they?
Michael: Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Booze Cruise [2.11]
Captain Jack: I need a volunteer to come up and hold my stick.
Dwight: Me me me!
Captain Jack: Ah. Usually it's a woman.
Dwight: I'm stronger.
Dwight: Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the moon.
Michael: Captain Jack's a fart face.
Jim: What happened to you?
Michael: Captain Jack has a problem with authority.
Jim: Oh, right, 'cause you announced that his ship was sinking.
Michael: He just totally lost it. If you ask me he caused the panic.
Jim: To tell you the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam. So...
Michael: Really. You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never put you two together... did you really... you really hid it well. God. I usually have a radar for stuff like that. [sighs]
The Injury [2.12]
Michael: Dwight, what's your middle name?
Dwight: [Looking dazed] Danger.
Michael: Something with a 'K'.
Jim: It's Kurt. Wow, I'm so sad I know that.
Michael: Pam, will you rub butter on my foot?
Michael: Please? I have Country Crock.
Michael: Let me ask you something. How long does it take you to do something simple? Everyday. Like brushing your teeth in the morning.
Billy: [in a wheelchair] I dunno. Like thirty seconds.
Michael: Oh my God. That's three times as long as it takes me.
Michael: [after he fell off the toilet] Get Ryan! He needs to lift me, and he needs to clean me up a bit...bring a wet towel.
Toby: Ryan is [Ryan drags his finger across his throat] ...dead.
Dwight: Where are we going?
Jim: [lying to get Dwight to the hospital] Chuck E. Cheese.
Michael: Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese.
Jim: We're going to the hospital, Michael.
Michael: I know, I'm just saying.
Michael:I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me, and since I don't have a butler I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill, then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again, then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's a perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill (shows burnt foot wrapped in bubble wrap) and it clamped down on my foot. That's it, I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.
(Jim is popping the bubble wrap Michael is using as a cast):
Michael: Please stop popping my cast!
Jim: I wanna clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill.
Doctor: Does the area look red and swollen?
Dwight: That's what she said.
Michael: That's my joke—dammit, Dwight!
Yeah, and now lets look at a couple of youtube vids of The Office to complete the session! Mwhaahahahaaa!
I just love the Jim/Dwight dynamic...it's too funny!! LOL
Okay, I'm done for the day, and aren't you happy, ^_~
and Jocus has left the building!